When Dreams Don’t Speak

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I’m one of those vivid dreamers. I love it, but it can be a little spooky sometimes. Actually, I think that might be why I love it. I used to have these crazy, waking hallucinations. I would see my whole dark room and then one off piece to it. Once it was a rotten apple with worms crawling through it right next to my pillow. Once it was a floating childhood dress. Once it was a horrible giant needle contraption. I even had a reoccurring dream about my bed breaking. Funny enough, it did break, which my husband is still baffled by.

 

In the painting above I had one of my favorite dreams that came to me shortly after my friend began chemotherapy. It was another on of my tsunami dreams – which always have these perfectly formed cresting waves. As I stood on this pier I saw the giant wave start to crest and reach over me until my vantage point changed to above the waves and I watched it make everything disappear except this huge, old fir tree. Seeing this ancient giant mass of nature patiently and strongly wait for the sea to calm made me feel my own power to wait out the waves of emergency and emotion that were overwhelming me.

 

After my friends passing my dreams stopped coming to me like they used to. It made feel a little extra empty, especially since I had expected to see him in my dreams. I had a few dreams with Bryon in it. Most of the time he didn’t talk and he still looked very sick but I was still so happy to see him. I found myself clinging to the dream so as not to scare him or it away. Other friends would tell me about having dreamt about him or they would say they felt his presence and I just couldn’t.

 

Finally I couldn’t wait any long and I went hunting on the internet for a grieving mediation. I found one and to my surprise after the usual breathing it took me into a visualization. It took me step by step to a place of my choosing filled with light and beauty. It guided me to visualize my friend as happy and healthy standing right in front of me. My grandmother who had passed shortly after Bryon also showed up. It was a beautiful meditation filled with love and healing and the presence of those I had been missing so much.

 

Because of it’s strength, when grief strikes, sometimes you loose touch with one of your greatest most comforting parts of yourself. Maybe it just happens because we need the time and room for such a huge loss. Maybe for me because of where my subconscious was at it wasn’t going to be able to comfort or teach me. I’m so grateful to have found an alternative power to tap into. It was amazing to meditate about him and maybe even more fulfilling then a dream of him because here I could concentrate on a happiness, healthiness and love.

 

I cannot for the life of me find that exact mediation I did that day, however I did find one that I find just as wonderful. So if you’d like to connect with a departed loved one click here.

 

Health, love and healing to you all.

 

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