I’m one of those vivid dreamers. I love it, but it can be a little spooky sometimes. Actually, I think that might be why I love it. I used to have these crazy, waking hallucinations. I would see my whole dark … Continue reading
It can be such a shock when life throws you a drastic change. I find my first response is to get tied up in knots over all the “what if’s” burry myself in fear. It’s happening right now as my RA flares … Continue reading
I’ve been a slacker about posting lately but I have the best excuse! I’ve been busy with music lately. I’ve been lucky enough to sing my heart out on stage at least one time every week in the month of July! Music … Continue reading
“Have you ever been to the bottom of your well? Have you ever had a chance to sit there for a spell?” These were the words to a song I found on my phone during the year my dear friend … Continue reading
This post has been rattling around in my brain since I started this blog. I’ve had a lot of fear about posting it because it’s so very personal and really shows all the pieces of grief (including the ugly parts) while … Continue reading
Almost a year ago today, I got the fucked up news about my buddy’s death. I was the friend that sat by his bedside and stumbled through some ukulele songs when he could no longer play for himself. I saw his physical and spiritual struggle and wrote him a letter about it because our relationship had so few spoken words. I watched him starve to death fighting with every ounce of himself and lose. A year from diagnosis to death…that felt like a lifetime.
Grief is amazingly odd and strong. Somewhere during the year this poem was born. I don’t feel entirely comfortable sharing it either. I’m going to anyway. Just realize there is no need to call a crisis hotline for me. I rather enjoy my soul these days and it’s more whole from all the learning this experience brought me.
Slack upon the bed
Spent from the bleeding of my naked body
Salted until every pour released
Uneasy, unable to breathe.
I waited as all the screams began to hum in unison.
The shame met me with judgement by it’s side
But there was only a hello before they ambled down the road
And I watched, studied
I could feel how close I was to understanding their dance
But only the first steps could I grasp
Before stumbling over into the open cliff of my soul.