Untie the Knots

It can be such a shock when life throws you a drastic change. I find my first response is to get tied up in knots over all the “what if’s” burry myself in fear. It’s happening right now as my RA flares … Continue reading

Cancer is a Downer

Almost a year ago today, I got the fucked up news about my buddy’s death. I was the friend that sat by his bedside and stumbled through some ukulele songs when he could no longer play for himself. I saw his physical and spiritual struggle and wrote him a letter about it because our relationship had so few spoken words. I watched him starve to death fighting with every ounce of himself and lose. A year from diagnosis to death…that felt like a lifetime.

Grief is amazingly odd and strong. Somewhere during the year this poem was born. I don’t feel entirely comfortable sharing it either. I’m going to anyway. Just realize there is no need to call a crisis hotline for me. I rather enjoy my soul these days and it’s more whole from all the learning this experience brought me.

 

Slack upon the bed

Spent from the bleeding of my naked body

Salted until every pour released

Uneasy, unable to breathe.

I waited as all the screams began to hum in unison.

The shame met me with judgement by it’s side

But there was only a hello before they ambled down the road

And I watched, studied

I could feel how close I was to understanding their dance

But only the first steps could I grasp

Before stumbling over into the open cliff of my soul.