I will have you know that I am actually getting that “wall” art project done! I mentioned it in a long ago post called “Giving Away Grief”. Little by little I’m making each panel and I’m really liking how it’s turning out. It will tell the story of my process through losing a dear friend and it’s not so I can lament about all the pain, it’s so I can transform it. Because even in all it’s confused despair there was beauty and love. In the process I get to have my own little art therapy session. Maybe when I’m faced with another big loss I can use it as the manual I wish I would have had to guide me through. Here’s a look at the beginnings of it.
I’d like to do is talk about each panel individually. I won’t post them in order of the story but I’d like to share what each panel means to me in the big picture of this piece and I’d like to start with this one.
This is probably the most vague panel but it’s one of my favorites. I was over a year past all of the emergencies and high stress but I couldn’t quiet get my body to turn off. It was like I got into the habit of emergency. The ding of my text would make my heart race still and the intense need to run when I was around anyone in turmoil was only growing stronger. I had recently been diagnosed with rheumatoid arthritis but it was under control enough that I could walk again. I was extremely grateful to be able to move. I was still coming to grips with the new reality of my physical capabilities which was a far cry from my intense acrobatic movements I had lived just months before. I had just started to be still – Just started to listen and unravel all that I was feeling and decided to focus on what I could do. I could hike.
I couldn’t hike long, I couldn’t hike hard or fast. I couldn’t hike for fitness or soar muscles but I could put one foot in front of the other and I could be surrounded by trees as I did it. It was an exciting and trepidatious revelation. I was scared about being disappointed once I got out there but my curiosity and need to move won. I had also realized long ago that I had lost my connection with nature and longed to revive it. Now was the time.
I’m lucky enough to live near the Columbia River Gorge. It’s a piece of Oregon with expansive lush green cliffs where nearly every turn you are greeted by a giant tree, babbling creek or a beautiful waterfall. Here is where I found some of my best therapy. You cannot look at nature and miss the amazing beauty in creation and destruction. Fallen trees with soft billows of florescent moss covering the violent tangle while the most delicate of flowers sprout from it’s decay. Waters rushing by while light dances on it’s surface as if it’s always been and always will be a place to play. Tall stands of creaky giants waving as the wind grips at it’s pine needles, moved but steady, in natures pace. The air is thick with pine, dirt and rain. It’s cool but filled with life and every labored step only brought more of it into my tired body. My body relearned how to breathe out there, breath that can reach every cell. One slow step at a time I came back to myself.
This painting specifically is a nod and a smile to one of my favorite hikes. It begins just off the freeway and wonders through a bit of magical mossy boulders, under a few tangled trees and up a steep incline until it opens up to a power poll line. This is the space where it feels natural to turn back, looks a little ugly and reminds you there are people around. I stopped once for quiet a while here, catching my breath and deciding if I should keep going. I looked at the power polls with some sadness and disdain because they weren’t the beauty I wanted. After some time I noticed I was fixated on one pole. The letters and numbers pounded to it caught my eye. They meant nothing to me but they were kind of beautiful. They had this shine and the shape of each one seemed so thoughtful. Then I saw the forest beyond it and decided to keep going one step at a time, noticing everything.
Eventually this trail connects to the Pacific Crest Trail, which I have made it to once and can’t wait for the day I get to see what’s back there. In the mean time I enjoy hikes all over the Gorge and I will share this one with you. If you are ever in Oregon and are patient enough to just put one foot in front of the other, check this little piece of forest out. Happy Trails!
http://www.oregonhikers.org/field_guide/Herman_Creek_Trailhead
Vitality Mob 